


Why Gundam Pilots Should Not Write Reports

by Mendeia



Series: Proximity to Balance [12]
Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Fluff and Crack, Gen, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-29
Updated: 2013-06-29
Packaged: 2017-12-16 13:04:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/862337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mendeia/pseuds/Mendeia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lady Une was a thoroughly patient woman. At least, she tried to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why Gundam Pilots Should Not Write Reports

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry about missing last week. I was across the country meeting my 7-week-old nephew and had not only no internet, but no sleep. So no editing. But here you go!
> 
> By the way, if any of you are near MN, I'm going to be at CONvergence 2013 next weekend and would love to discuss Gundam Wing and anything else we might share, so send me a PM and we'll hang!
> 
> Enjoy!

Lady Une was a thoroughly patient woman. At least, she tried to be.

In her position, patience was absolutely necessary. And not patience with diplomats, terrorists, the bureaucracy, or the thousands of details that made running an organization like Preventers a genuine terror, even to a veteran of the Eve wars.

No, Lady Une's true exercise in patience, and its most severe test, was her five ex-Gundam agents.

From the moment the five young men had presented themselves to her, stating they were all prepared to work as agents as a team, but would accept no one else in their unit, Lady Une had had many causes to both rejoice and regret. On the one hand, the five of them were virtually unstoppable, utterly capable, fanatically dedicated, and even a two-man team could succeed where any other ten agents would fail.

On the other hand, they obeyed no authority but their own (though they at least pretended to be subordinate to her sometimes), they completed every mission in their own way no matter what she might have preferred, and they were totally unwilling to use their skills to train new agents, so she was left without anyone who could even approach their skills. Which she wouldn't have minded except for the sheer number of times she needed those skills and couldn't have them in more than one place at a time. But then, even if _she_ couldn't order them to split up, the former agent Zero Four could, and she had yet to find herself in a situation he didn't plan a means to succeed in spite of everything.

But their worst failing _by far_ was their report-writing.

After the first three months, Lady Une made their pay contingent upon each of the five submitting a report for each mission. Before that, she had received no reports at all, until, after quite a bit of badgering, one Monday morning she found her desk liberally covered with a pile of paper napkins with what looked like a very skillful chronicle of events drawn as a children's cartoon in Duo's hand. It was, distressingly, an accurate depiction of every one of his missions to date, and utterly impossible to submit to her superiors.

Of course, now she had _five_ of them to contend with.

Une had begun keeping a file on her computer she simply called "What?" and captured in it the most absurd and, frankly, entertaining of the Gundam team report submissions. One singular entry might not be particularly humorous, but in context, they kept her from kicking her computer across the room on bad days.

 

Mission Report Summary for Operation Code 0987 by Agent Zero One:

> Infiltration of suspected terrorist base successful. After non-lethally incapacitating four suspected terrorists, the team searched the base for weapons. A small altercation between terrorists and Agents Zero Two and Zero Five resulted in a minor explosion, destroying some evidence. Attached is an inventory of what was confiscated, what surveillance shows was destroyed, and speculation as to the purpose of all items. Terrorists were turned over to proper authorities.

 

Mission Report Summary for Operation Code 0987 by Agent Zero Two:

> So, we got in there and found the baddies and took them down – no sweat. But then Zero Five gets into it with me about whether or not the crate in the corner is hazardous. He says it isn't, I say it is, and the others are off doing something official or having tea or something, I dunno. Zero Five tries to tell me that nobody is able to make that crate blow up and so it shouldn't be classified as a dangerous substance. I just wanted to prove that he was wrong, and the terrorist leader or whoever was laughing so hard I kinda lost track of the charge size by a little. That was a BIG fire, too.

 

Mission Report Summary for Operation Code 0987 by Agent Zero Three:

> Nothing out of the ordinary. Terrorists apprehended, some damage to the building's structure and nearby vehicles. Agent Zero Five threatened to kill Agent Zero Two. Of note: it was the other way around for once, since normally it's Agent Zero Two we have to worry about dragging out of the fire.

 

Mission Report Summary for Operation Code 0987 by Agent Zero Four:

> Mission was a partial success. Terrorists were captured and taken into custody with minimal injuries and no casualties. Some weaponry was collected, but some was lost in an unfortunate mishap involving the crate marked in appendix materials as Exhibit J. All members of the team were unharmed and sufficient evidence was collected to ensure prosecution of terrorists. Damage to civilian buildings nearby will be covered by "anonymous private funds" from a concerned supporter. For reference, a footnote should be inserted in all materials covering terrorists who use a bakery business as a front that flour is, indeed, highly combustible under the correct circumstances.

 

Mission Report Summary for Operation Code 0987 by Agent Zero Five:

> Anything Zero Two has written is inaccurate if it in any way implicates anyone but himself in the incident. Also, clearly the contents of that crate were only flammable when exposed to a moron.


End file.
